Donkey's years, I know

Can I honestly say life has been all that busy? Too busy to post? Yes and no. For a while after the previous post I was very busy at work. Then the contract came to an end and there was time to post. Instead I have been busy either reading other people's work, mostly political, and traveling.

A week in Albuquerque for reconnecting, recreation, and discernment. Time with my ex is always well spent. The week was both intense and wonderful. The intensity was belied by time spent chilling, but that does not mean lots of "processing" was not taking place.

The first treat was a night in Santa Fe, dinner at the SantaCafé followed by a stunning performance of Mozart's Lucio Silla at the Santa Fe Opera. This posting would be too long if I allowed myself to ramble about the brilliance of the production. The singing was superb, the music not as dramatic and memorable as later Mozart but still lovely, the costumes outlandish but fun, the staging surreal and effective, and the dancers were not only effective but also quite hot. The palette of the production was thoroughly neutral: black, white, many shades of gray, silver, and highlights of blood red. The threat of violence was everpresent, from the opening rope dance with its obvious bondage representing life under the Roman dictator Sulla, to the effective use of stage blood gushing, not from a body but from the pierced back of a chair upholstered in white. Improbably as it was, the ending was a happy one, inspiring some of us to wish a certain powerful person in our own time would repent and change course.

The second treat was another trip to Santa Fe, with a day of rest in between, for the Spanish Market with its panorama of arts in the traditional of craftwork from the Spanish colonial days of New Mexico. Leather, tin, and iron work; retablos and bultos (portraits and carved statues of the saints); straw inlays and woodcarving; hand woven textiles--all of it quite splendid. Qualities of workmanship and inspiration varied with the artists, of course, but there were some pieces that could move one to contemplation and others to esthetic wonder. Moments of this experience qualified it for Sunday worship and communion with the divine, so no guilt for playing hooky from church this Lord's Day. The adjoining Contemporary Spanish Market had its own variety of works, some of them delightful and some of them stunningly beautiful.

A dinner party featuring many vegetables from the garden allowed me to see delightful persons I had met before and to meet some new ones. Food and company were both excellent. Another dinner gave me the chance to reconnect with our fellow godparent, my sister-in-law's sister. Meals are such wonderful ways to be together, and breakfast and Spanish conversation with the lovely Susana rounded out visiting.

The third major outing was a drive to Ácoma where we took the walking tour of this millenium-old pueblo. I felt especially drawn to the cemetery and all the generations of ancestors whose remains lie there. Another time of non-liturgical prayer and communion. As in the San Francisco Bay Area, I could not help noticing the presence of the ravens and zopilotes (turkey vultures), who have played a major part in my psychic energy in the past year. The day was stunningly beautiful, the sky vast, the sun brilliant. The continuous residence of a people for at least ten centuries in one place, ever re-inventing their limited space and struggling to maintain their unique identity: humbling and fascinating.

There was also househunting and I saw places I can visualize myself inhabiting. The question was finally settled; I am going to move to Albuquerque. Much will need to be done--tons of packing and sorting before my current home can even be staged for sale; moving arrangements; finding employment in New Mexico. The initial goal is simply accomplishing the move and getting stable employment. When I have some financial stability (and the cost of housing is a major driver in this), then I can address other issues: finishing my doctoral program, exploring new avenues of ministry, deepening and broadening my expression in liturgical arts. Creating new social circles and developing new roots, of course, and learning how to stay connected with those I leave behing (something I have historically been terrible at), negotiating that new relatedness by which my ex and I rejoice to be near each other while not being too near.

Ah, newness. So this is why those carrion birds have kept appearing in my life, cleaning my psychic carcass for something new! And the doves that arrived outside my window this spring, harbingers of new life and fertility. What now comes to birth in me? I do not know. But I feel good about taking the steps and making the changes.

Well, how was that for catching up? More later.

The BB

Something It Has Never Been

Something It Has Never Been
By Daniel J. Webster
Article in The Witness, Tuesday, June 28, 2005

The Anglican Communion has been evolving for 150 years. It continues to. It likely is turning away from Richard Hooker and more towards Oliver Cromwell.

Thus begins my friend Dan's article on the Anglican Communion after the 13th meeting of the Anglican Consultative Council in Nottingham. While proud of the presentations by the American and Canadian provinces, I am distressed by other developments. There are those in the Anglican Communion who would like to see a centralized canon law, which I see as a move toward the centralized model of the Roman Catholic Church [which is ultimately monarchical]. At the latest ACC meeting it was decided to admit the Primates of the several provinces as ex-officio members of the Council. This gives the exclusively male clergy at the highest level of hierarchy inordinate presence and power at these meetings. I was horrified to learn of the move, though I grant the convenience of timing ACC meetings and Primates' meetings to coordinate for the sake of communication.

I want to urge our friends to read Dan's article by clicking on its title above.

Minority Voices Excluded in House of Reps

Have you seen the video of Sensenbrenner adjourning a hearing (illegally?) in violation of House procedures?

Howard Dean Speaks for Me

I find fence-sitting Democrats to be a liability when we are a minority in a society that is rapidly losing its minority voices and with a government that seeks to quash minority voices and minority rights.

Howard Dean, Chair of the Democratic National Committee, is willing to take unpopular positions (opposition to the war in Iraq before the American people wised up to its specious reasons and lack of strategy and resources, for example) and to speak out with passion. While the MSM ("mainstream media") rolled their eyes and endlessly played the tape of his famous yell/roar, I thought he was simply an energized rallier of troops who was willing to show enthusiasm--and thank God for that!

Of late he has dared to publicly state the obvious, that the Republican Party is basically white and Christian, and refused to back down. Why should he? This statement is so overwhelmingly true that protests are pure hypocrisy. Sure some persons of color have contributed to the GOP in significant ways (though why they would do so I have no idea, with the exception of the anti-Castro Miami Cuban community). But what is the impact of Republican policies on minorities? It's not pretty.

More controversial was Dean's comment about most Republican leaders--note, not most Republicans--not having done an honest day's work. Please, can't anyone speak in hyperbole anymore? Today we would lynch Jesus on cable TV and in the newspapers just for his teaching methods! What is the underlying truth behind Dean's statement? That the GOP does not represent the working class or the interests of the working class. All one has to do is look at the shift of the tax burden from the wealthiest to ordinary working folk, the cuts in social services which are most needed by those who do not have large cash reserves, the crisis in medical coverage and the rise in bankruptcies for medical expenses (now more difficult to file for, to the delight of the banking and credit industries), the mandating of school testing without matching funds to accomplish it, and reduction in environmental protections (which disproportionately affects those who cannot afford to live where the water is purer and the air is cleaner).

Just to pick one egregious example from the GOP, George W Bush ineffectively pursued a number of failed business ventures, relying on bailouts from his father's wealthy friends to salvage them, made money on a baseball deal funded by a large amount of money from taxpayers, executed what can only be a profitable bit of insider trading (for which he was not prosecuted by the SEC but neither was he exonerated), and then rode into Washington on a fraudelent election in November 2000. Now he tells us how hard it is to be president in spite of his spending over 40% of his time in office on vacation, poses as a rancher though he is terrified of horses, and cannot take time from his busy schedule to attend the funeral of a single troop killed in Iraq. Never misses his workouts though, even when the White House and Congress are being evacuated.

I signed the petition saying that Howard Dean speaks for me.

So did Barbara Lee.

So does Harry Reid.

So does John Conyers.

So does Nancy Pelosi.

Compromise with extremists is another form of yielding to terrorists. America is under attack, attack by the leaders of the Republican Party and conservative Christian extremists. I will say no more to keep this a "family-friendly" forum.

Please add your signatures to the petition if Howard Dean speaks for you. Thank you.
The BB

With Smokey Bear, one of my childhood icons. After living almost six decades, I still find posing with Smokey a total rush. And remember, only you can help prevent forest fires! 

I was not on vacation

My apologies, friends and browsers, for the long absence. Life got very busy as I found myself working full-time for the Forest Service (crunching numbers, though some of you know my secret fantasy of being a ranger leading folks on nature hikes) and juggling two part-time jobs. One was the church and the other was theological tutoring (which I love). Toss in the Thursday night class I was taking in Berkeley and there was neither time nor energy to keep a blog going.

Tutoring ended, as did the semester, and I am beginning to feel as normal as normal ever gets in my life, so I’m back…and badder than ever.

I have long enjoyed textile arts, whether viewing what can be done with fabrics and threads and yarns or actually sewing myself. In the past month I have launched into knitting, an activity that is at once creative, productive, and relaxing. Being a total beginner has rarely stopped me from trying things, though I do need to take some knitting classes. Still, I have managed to do stockinet and garter stitches and even some yarnovers. If you did not want a scarf for Christmas, too bad, folks.

Years of dining at Fatapple’s in El Cerrito have been a joy, a habit, a form of social comfort. They have also faced me with Skein Lane across the street, a shop dedicated to knitting, crochet, and other crafty things to do with strands of fibers. I have visited it just to enjoy the sensual pleasure of all those colors and textures, but now it has become a den of temptation, akin to bookstores and art supply houses.

Caution: Sudden Change of Course

Although my political reading on the internet is less intense than it was leading up to the November election, I still try to follow national and international politics on a daily basis. We are, I believe, in very dark times and Sauron must be stopped, so gather together, whoever you in a contemporary fellowship of the ring may be, we have a task before us. May love, friendship, persistence, courage, and truth sustain us.

I was not convinced that we needed to invade Iraq while watching the current administration’s single-minded pursuit of exactly such an action. The case was never adequately made and we clearly were not doing it as a last resort. I will grant that the threat of force may well have been necessary to convince Hussein to permit inspections, but when the inspections were finally working we cut them short. Though my human weakness for self-righteousness is tempted to gloat and say, “I told you so,” it is quickly overwhelmed by deep sorrow that the United States should pursue a course so wrong on so many levels.

Now, of course, we and the Iraqi and Afghani people daily pay the price for our willful behavior. We abandoned the pursuit of bin Laden and the securing and rebuilding of Afghanistan to divert our forces to Iraq, which had no direct links to al Qaeda and none to 9/11. We have relinquished any moral authority we may have had in our flouting international law, the Geneva Conventions, and common decency in our treatment of prisoners. We have ignored the lofty principles enshrined in our own founding documents. We have thumbed our nose at the community of nations. The White House has thrown away the international good will that came our way after the brutality of the 9/11 attacks.

Of course, manufacturing a war is nothing new on the face of the globe and Citizen Hearst certainly knew how to drum up conflict. Nonetheless, watching power coalescing ever more in the hands of a callous kleptocracy is sickening. The undermining of American democracy by those who have sworn to uphold and defend the Constitution sickens the heart.

The Downing Street Minute confirms what many of us always suspected: that Bush and company were determined to attack Iraq and would manipulate information to do so. Other strands are woven in as we just learned that Bolton, W’s nominee as ambassador to the UN, forced the ouster of the man heading the international inspections for chemical weapons in order to render inspections ineffective and preclude a peaceful resolution. The world now knows that Hussein did not have the alleged stockpiles of functional WMD. And the President of the United States lies to the American people and the world.

Reporters and pundits are careful not to word it so strongly, but the documentation of his saying things that are not true is solid. Does he intend to deceive or mislead (which would move speaking things untrue into the category of lying)? Given the ability of the human heart and mind to deceive the very self, perhaps he believes he speaks truly. I believe he usually does. But I do not think it is accidental or coincidental that he repeatedly says one thing and does another (All Children Left Behind, Dirtier Air Act, etc.) or that he tries to create impressions that so clearly fail to square with facts (the purported crisis in Social Security, the role of Hussein in international terrorism, the radical redistribution of wealth from the working class to the ownership class). He said the intelligence committee had declared Bolton’s activity all right after examining papers requested by a different committee, but the intelligence committee did not see the papers and two members of it had only seen summaries. They indicated that even what they saw raised grave concerns, and their committee had no jurisdiction over the nomination. I say he lied, deliberately trying to weasel out of admitting that it is the secretive White House that is obstructionist in the machinery of government though its acquisition of increasing power at the expense of the legislative and judicial branches of government—and at the expense of our democracy.

Well, I just needed to get that rant off my chest.

More interesting and edifying topics ahead….

The BB

Requiescant in Pace

I have few comments on the death of the late Bishop of Rome and Patriarch of the West, John Paul II. By sheer chance of channel-surfing, I came across his funeral live on C-Span and watched some and slept through much. I was impressed with the simplicity and dignity of the service. Though the workmanship was exquisite, the plain cypress coffin (with an inlay of the pontiff’s armorial symbols, a cross and an M plus beautiful dovetailing) was an elegant and eloquent witness against the excesses of the funeral industry. People strapped for cash lay out thousands of dollars for metal and satin contraptions that, however much we love the deceased, simply holds a corpse until time does its work. Simplicity, function, beauty—these alone suffice.

The banner at the doors of St Peter’s was also elegant—appropriate in its proportions, proclaiming the Resurrection without words through the reproduction of a painting of the risen Christ, framed in crimson hangings to match the papal vestments and the chasubles of the cardinals.

Splendid music. And how lovely the sound of a woman reading the lesson from Acts in Spanish!

Only later did I read that when Dubya appeared on the giant TV screens there arose booing and whistling among the crowd outside St Peter’s Squara. What a grand Italian tradition—one might think one were at La Scala catching a substandard performance. I certainly found it jarring to see him and have to acknowledge my visceral distaste for all he represents. [No, I do not mean America and her ideals which I hold quite separate for anything related to the current administration other than its holding office.] Even more jarring was the sight of Condi Rice after the service, smiling and greeting others. That the US Secretary of State should attend when former President Jimmy Carter wished to be there is simply appalling. I would think a Nobel Peace Prize winner would be more appropriate than one of the architects of our invasion of Iraq. Ah well, seeing Their Most Catholic Majesties Juan Carlos and Sofia in the front row of dignitaries took the edge off my political distaste.

So, the legacy of John Paul II? Mixed. He did reach out to make the church more global; mended some fences with Muslims, Jews, and the Orthodox; spoke out against war as a solution to our problems and against the death penalty; and greatly strengthened the spirit of those resisting communism (while maintaining a clear critique of capitalism’s evils). He spoke on behalf of the poor. Within his value system he was consistent. The articles following his death reminded me of his positive accomplishments.

He was adamantine in his resistance to the equality of women, praising their role in family and church yet supporting the societal and institutional structures that make certain that role remains subservient to male power. No “altar girls” (female acolytes, though the American Catholic Church frequently ignores this silliness); no women priests nor even discussion of it as a theological possibility; no contraception of any kind in spite of the poverty, disease, and political strife that come from overpopulation. Promotion of Opus Dei, the secretive and ultra-conservative organization that works where none may observe (including beatification of its founder). Theological homogenization as the Congregation for Doctrine and Faith (the office formerly known as the Inquisition), headed by Cardinal Ratzinger, quashed free inquiry and debate in many areas and tightened Rome’s reins on the church at large and the clergy in particular. Slowness to address the sexual scandals around pedophile priests (yes, they eventually addressed it, but only under great duress—not unlike presidential commissions formed in spite of the president’s stated desire not to go there).

As I said above: mixed. May he rest in peace, along with Saul Bellow, Terri Schiavo, Archbishop Iakovos, and the tens of thousands of untrumpeted dead who fall victim to famine, flood, disease, war, sundry accidents, and the effects of oppression and corruption. May light perpetual shine upon them and the joys of paradise be their portion.

The BB

I have been experimenting with floral closeups of late. My inner Georgia O'Keefe? A blessed Fifty Days of Easter to one and all. 

I made a special effort to get a shot of these last year. 

Camellias has fascinated me since I was an undergraduate at Pomona College. I remember they bloomed in January on the huge bushes by the admin bldg. 

Even the oxalis is glorious 

Spring in the East Bay 

The Bird Must Die

This morning a small raptor flew into the sweet gum in front of my deck, the one visible from my office window. The coloration and size led me, at first, to think it was a large dove, but even though it was partially obscured by branches with fledgling leaves, revealed that it was a small hawk of some kind, with an inert animal hanging below the branch grasped by its talons.

Raptors have been appearing with some kind of freshness or urgency in my world of late. This, of course, may be entirely subjective; I may only be noticing them with more attention.

My friend Amber has told me that the hawk is an important totem for her and that they have shown themselves to her in unusual circumstances, as though serving as tutelary figures watching over her.

While the usual birds flying about in front of my place are crows and seasonal doves or LBJs (“little brown jobs”)—when unemployed I have spent many daylight hours at the computer with a view out the window—there have this year been lots of turkey vultures hovering in the area and sometimes flying towards and directly over my unit. I usually refer to turkey vultures by the Mexican Spanish term (presumably from the Aztec) “zopilote.” It has a nice ring to it.

That large a bird flying by at close range does get one’s attention. I even composed my own silly song in the shower about it. The verses are already forgotten, but not the chorus.

Zopilote, Zopilote,
I’m still alive as you can plainly see.
Zopilote, Zopilote,
Please don’t try to take a bite of me.

Variant: reprise last line with…
Please don’t try to make your lunch of,
Please don’t try to feed your clan with me.

Amber’s comment on all this is that condors and their cousins are powerful birds that portend death and renewal, the picking clean of our carrion bones so we are freed of encumbrance—ready for resurrection, so to speak. Their appearance to me could thus symbolize a purifying process that will prepare me for whatever is coming next.

As I left for work this morning, I saw by the many small white feathers scattered on the ground that the hawk’s breakfast was a small bird. For the sake of the hawk, the bird had to die. For the sake of what is to come to be in me, the bird must die.

I wonder what unsuspecting bird within me is going to be hawk’s breakfast?

The BB

Spring camping on the arctic tundra by Richard Voss, Refuge Manager 

Speaking of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge

I feel the need to share this:

[ENS, Navasota, Texas] - Urging full protection of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge, the House of Bishops of the Episcopal Church on March 14 adopted a resolution calling upon the U.S. Senate to oppose opening the pristine region to exploration for oil and gas. Alaska Bishop Mark McDonald, a leading voice for environmental protection and ecological justice, left the bishops' spring retreat, in session through March 16, to present the resolution to the press and to lawmakers in Washington, D.C. [Washington Senator Maria Cantwell is leading the opposition to driling, along with John Kerry and others.]

A Message from the House of Bishops of the Episcopal Church, USA, to the United States SenateMarch 14, 2005

Resolved, the House of Bishops of the Episcopal Church, USA, meeting at its Spring 2005 retreat at Camp Allen in Navasota, Texas, March 11-16, 2005, sends to the United States Senate the following message:

As the Bishops of the Episcopal Church, USA, we want to express our commitment to the vision of reconciliation of all peoples and share a common scriptural and theological belief that we have a responsibility to care for God's creation. We support protecting the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge fully. To risk the destruction of an untouched wilderness and an ancient culture violates our theological mandate to be caretakers of creation. Because of these deeply shared values we respectfully ask you to oppose legislation that would facilitate the opening of this sacred space to oil or gas exploration and development in any way. We specifically call on you our Senators to reject efforts to include revenues from lease sales of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge in the Budget Act currently being considered by Congress.

While the ecological and human rights values of the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge are recognized by many, the cost from exploitation of the potential resources that may exist there does not justify exploration or development. The best estimates tell us that oil from the Refuge as a single source is equal to what the United States would consume in less that one year. Conservation, energy efficiency, and alternative sources of energy can do much more to address our country's energy needs.

The Arctic National Wildlife Refuge is one of the few ecosystems left on earth in its original condition. It is a national treasure and such natural places are anchors in a changing world. They help hold us in place and tell us where we have been; they often can be sources of inspiration and comfort. As Job counsels, "listen to the earth, and it will teach you" (Job 12:8).

The Arctic Refuge is well-known for its Porcupine caribou herd, whose life cycle is dependent on the Refuge as an intact, virtually undisturbed ecosystem. The caribou are a chief link in the subsistence culture for the indigenous Gwich'in people. The Gwich'in call themselves the "Caribou People" and the Arctic Refuge is for them "the Sacred Place where Life Begins." The caribou are essential for Gwich'in cultural, social, and spiritual needs and it has been that way for over 10,000 years. Disturbances that lead to reduced calving success for the caribou may cause significant, irreversible, negative consequences for all involved in this unspoiled web of life.

Pristine places like the Arctic Refuge provide numerous benefits. For humankind, the Arctic is a control environment that helps scientists answer current and future questions in the changing environment. For animal kind, the Arctic is an important habitat and home for many species, including the Arctic peregrine falcon, gyrfalcon, golden eagle, snowshoe hare, ptarmigan, polar bear, grizzly bear, musk ox, threatened spectacled eider, wolves, smaller mammals and water fowl. "The psalmist proclaims, 'O Lord, how manifold are thy works! In wisdom hast thou made them all; the earth is full of your creatures" (Psalm 104).

We recognize that our use of fossil fuels and the resulting global warming has its greatest impact on the poor and vulnerable. Controversy over whether to open the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil development requires us to ask ourselves: what kind of world will we leave to future generations? As Bishops of the Episcopal Church, we are committed to working for a world with justice for indigenous peoples and all creation and we support indigenous peoples' rights as a basic component of a just society. For these reasons and others, we ask you to oppose opening the Arctic National Wildlife Refuge to oil and gas exploration and development.

Source: Episcopal News Service [ENS 031405-2]

Phos hilaron hagias doxes tou patrou to hagiou tou ouraniou.... (O gracious Light, pure brightness of the everliving Father in heaven....) 

What a lovely way to end the work day! 

Mount Tamalpais at Sunset Today 

Tanker in the Afternoon 

Judicandus homo reus, huic ergo parce, Deus

Mortal under judgment, guilty--spare this one, O God.

Well, something like that. I am not reaching for my dictionaries or eloquent translations here, just sharing a line from the famous Sequence hymn of the traditional Requiem Mass, the Dies Irae. I had to head this in Latin, because that is the form in which I am familiar with its lines. It was the two words "homo reus" (guilty mortal) that leapt to my mind a few minutes ago.

Out the window I could see a tanker leaving a California port, with refineries in the background. Earlier today I had noted a faint brownish tinge to the sky from air pollution (so familiar to me from years in the Los Angeles basin). In a very short time I will be getting into my car to commute home. Not a long commute, but still driving my own car by myself.

Being a native Californian does not excuse me, though my commute would take much longer if I tried to pull it off with public transportation, and I suspect it would involve lots of walking too. The walking would be good for me, but with the demands on my time I do not even try to rationalize driving. I just do it.

One more willing cog in the vast machinery of U.S. oil consumption, our favorite addiction.

Mortal
Under judgment
Guilty

the BB