Just because

It seemed seasonal.
--the BB

Everyday’s Most Quiet Need

Gustave Caillebotte,
Boatman in a Top Hat, 1877-78.
Private Collection.

It is autumn when life seems bittersweet. I am in something of an elegiac mood (as you have seen lately). A poem from a great parting:

A Poem for Memito
That I Might Grieve

In the rare still moment when I do not flee the

Savage ripping of heart’s flesh, sign of grief,
Here in a midnight moment that Sonnet from the Portuguese
Assails my bastion of busyness, my need to numb.
Love, how I miss the quiet tenderness we shared, the
Lively wit that brightened discourse, and wove the

Bittersweet moments of our lives into shared story!
Useless to deny the loss, or how I miss the wonderfulness
That sparkles in the complexity of you, dear heart.

Looking in at your new world, our shared home, from the
Outside, I find each new configuration a reminder—my
View has changed, this is not my home. You first found that
Encouraging, but I wanted to scream, “Dammit, I speak of my pain!

There is, for me, a vast emptiness no foggy shroud can
Hide; the house has become for me a shell, and this
Especially when you are not there. Yet I am glad that it
Embraces and expresses you. I’ll claim the trees!

Bill, it is no wonder people shake their heads with amazement
Each time they utter, “Twenty-four years.” We journeyed long
Together, yet how brief, how brief! Sometimes it seems
To collapse into a moment, I hardly seem to have met you.
Easy to admit I flee the pain, we all know it. Today, tonight,
Reaching for life I face this death. I walk, with new friends or

Alone in the fresh air and sunshine, feeling the bay’s breeze,
Facing the fact that I must grieve, I stopped all other activities
To think about loss, about you, to read and write some poetry.
Elizabeth Barrett Browning was not the first in the Norton Anthology,
Rather the one where I was forced to pause. You used her lines to

Describe your feelings, for me I know and I suspect for someone new.
“Everyday’s most quiet need” sums up so much of all your heart
Aspires to, and mine. We are so alike and so different! In
Truth I do believe my love for you shall grow, even now in
Heart-sore moments, bearing fruit in eternity. I miss you. Be well!

July 9, 2002
(c) 2002 by PES

The poem above does not represent my current mood. It is a visitation and a remembrance.

I am happy to report that the friendship of those years together has survived, the love remained constant, and we continue to take joy and comfort in each other's company. It is better that we live apart but we do not live estranged. Thanks be to God, for we are blessed beyond measure.

--the BB

Blog surfing

Doug and Eric and their children
Photo from SFGate back when gay marriage was briefly legal in San Francisco

Brother Tobias Haller has been offering substantive, thought-provoking articles on the mystery of human sexuality and the purposes and benefits of marriage. I commend them to you.

Where the Division Lies
Pro-Creation
True Union (1)

Radical topic-shift alert!

Jane alerts me, via the NASA kiddies’ calendar, to the equinox occurring this morning, not yesterday as I supposed. (I know it’s not on my father’s birthday as a previous post implies; I only take his birthday as a signal that autumn is just about to arrive.) For the technically inclined, Wikipedia has a table. The magic moment in sidereal relationships occurred as I was sleeping and we are now officially in the fall season. Blessed autumn to y’all. Susan Russell shares a wish along these lines complete with pumpkin patch.

Beware topic whiplash!

Susan Russell credits Paul Woodrum with an informative timeline on the faith once received. Excerpts:

1st Century:
Certainly Gentiles have a place in the church as do all the baptized. The debate is currently about the appropriate limits of pastoral care and the place Gentiles may hold in the offices of the church. The question is how far the traditional theology of the church lets us move in that direction.
…
12th Century:
Certainly Anglo-Saxon people have a place in the church as do all the baptized. The debate is currently about the appropriate limits of pastoral care and the place Anglo-Saxon people may hold in the offices of the church. The question is how far Norman church tradition lets us move in that direction.
…
Yesterday:
Certainly gay and lesbian people have a place in the church as do all the baptized. The debate is currently about the appropriate limits of pastoral care and the place gay and lesbian people may hold in the offices of the church. The question is how far the traditional theology of the church lets us move in that direction. (The Most Reverend and Right Honorable Rowan Williams, Archbishop of Canterbury, 21 September AD 2007, New Orleans, LA, USA)

Susan concludes the sad litany with a prayer for the Church.

Autumnal equinox, Matthew, Paul Victor

Tomorrow is the feast of St Matthew the Apostle and Evangelist. I shall leave elaboration on that to my betters. The Church Calendar is like a great pegboard of the year on which I can hang many things. Sometimes a saint's feast helps me remember someone's birthday, sometimes it is the other way around.

Matthew came first in history, though second in my mind.

Incipit to St Matthew's Gospel
folio 29r of the Book of Kells

First, for me, was the fact that my father was born on 21 September 1908. Were he still alive he would be turning 99 tomorrow.

The BB and his dad (some years ago)
[Yes, my hair was not always thin and gray
and I was, once upon a time, somewhat slender.]

So HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO MY DAD!

This also means it must be autumn. I confess, this photo was taken later in the year some years ago. But it is beginning to feel autumnal. The air conditioning is not kicking in every other minute (and I set it at 80, well above my personal melting point). Today clouds came in, the temperature lowered, and we had quite a cloudburst as I was leaving work. The freeway was not moving much so I thought a wide surface road would be nice. Ha! So I drove for miles along a minor river. Drove? Paddled? Hard to distinguish.

I look forward to cooler days. And turning leaves. For now the ash trees near work are still quite green, a lovely rich, dark green.

We thank you, heavenly Father, for the witness of your apostle and evangelist Matthew to the Gospel of your Son our Savior; and we pray that, after his example, we may with ready wills and hearts obey the calling of our Lord to follow him; through Jesus Christ our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.

--the BB