Friday, October 03, 2008

Sitting with anxiety

I know one of the things my therapist was hoping I would learn is sitting with my discomfort, sitting with pain, sitting with anxiety as opposed to constantly running from them, shutting down feelings, and generally being my depressed, dissociated self. I am better at all this though I still have a long way to go.

Speaking of the pervasive anxiety in our society, exacerbated by economic woes, Mother Kaeton ponders what Grendel gave to Jonathan and writes:
I think we all need to spend more time in The Garden as Mary Magdelene. It's important to feel that exquisite mixture of joy and sadness before we get to witness the Resurrection - once again, for the first time.

The Great American Dream, which had its genesis in the hearts and minds of women and men across the Pond, is not about success. It's about Freedom - the freedom to be fully, wholly human. The freedom to feel the full range of emotions - from sadness to joy and everything in between.

Yes, even anxiety.

I am beginning to realize that the best thing I can do as a pastor - besides listening and keeping watch over my flock in this time of the Dark Night of the Soul - is to pray for the kind of miracle which Jonathan describes.

I'm going to pray for the death of my inner "Religious Salesman" and stop trying to be a success at being a priest and selling faith. Instead, I'm going to pray that I may be a more faithful priest.

I'm going to pray that I might be able to lead the people God has sent me to serve through this Valley of the Shadow of the Death of Success and into the place where we all may be blessed with the freedom to experience a greater fullness of our humanity.

We have enough of everything we need. Jesus taught us that. Just a Mustard Seed of faith is all we need. Just a tiny mustard seed is all, which must go into the ground and die before it becomes one of the mightiest trees in the Garden.

That, or the death of a little dog named Grendel.

Read it all here.

With apologies for excerpting so much and hoping she won't mind.
--the BB

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