Sunday, February 10, 2008

First Sunday in Lent


Gospel of the First Sunday in Lent:
Then Jesus was led up by the Spirit into the wilderness to be tempted by the devil. He fasted for forty days and forty nights, and afterwards he was famished. The tempter came and said to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, command these stones to become loaves of bread.’ But he answered, ‘It is written, “One does not live by bread alone, but by every word that comes from the mouth of God.” ’

Then the devil took him to the holy city and placed him on the pinnacle of the temple, saying to him, ‘If you are the Son of God, throw yourself down; for it is written, “He will command his angels concerning you”,
and “On their hands they will bear you up, so that you will not dash your foot against a stone.” ’ Jesus said to him, ‘Again it is written, “Do not put the Lord your God to the test.” ’

Again, the devil took him to a very high mountain and showed him all the kingdoms of the world and their splendour; and he said to him, ‘All these I will give you, if you will fall down and worship me.’ Jesus said to him, ‘Away with you, Satan! for it is written, “Worship the Lord your God,
and serve only him.” ’ Then the devil left him, and suddenly angels came and waited on him. (Matthew 4:1-11)
I have been reading John Bradshaw's book Healing the Shame that Binds You and this morning I preached on shame and identity. The shame theme comes in the first lesson (the "Fall") in which Adam and Eve experience shame for the first time. Identity is central to the gospel lesson above. A voice from heaven has just confirmed that Jesus is God's beloved Son, yet the tempter attacks precisely at that point. "If you are the Son of God...."

Healthy shame offers good boundaries. Toxic shame lacks boundaries. It is foisted by one person onto another and it undermines identity because when we have bad boundaries we do not have a strong sense of self. Instead of trusting in and living out of our identity as children of God we believe the toxic, shaming message that we are pieces of crap--stupid, lazy, ugly, useless, sinful, phony, incompetent, unworthy, unlovable, etc. This is the poison we acquire when we have been shamed and we often take this poison and internalize it and repeat it to ourselves over and over and over, often to our dying day.

It is the work of the accuser, the father of lies, the slanderer, the devil, Satan (to use the mythic language of the Bible). In other words, it is a false accusation with just enough truth to it that we believe it, to our detriment (and often destruction).

Yes, we are limited, incomplete, wounded, broken, willful, rebellious, damaged, warped, and wicked--sinners, in short. Well, big duh! But it does not then follow as the night the day that we are only sinful and therefore evil, useless, despicable. Our identity and our worth lie in God's creation of us: good creations, in the image and likeness of God, children by grace and adoption, beloved. This is truer of us than all our flaws and failures. This is the deep truth, the great truth, the lifegiving truth. We need to believe it, trust it, live out of it.

We answer the slanders of the deceiver (and of those who have heaped toxic shame upon us) out of the divine affirmation of ourselves that needs to become our own affirmation. Yes, we ARE the children of God, and though we need to live out of it and live into it, we don't need to prove it. It is a given. (Thanks be to God.)

Let us trust God's great and precious proclamation of who we are. If we would love God with all our being and love others as ourselves, loving ourselves is a critical part of what we are made for and called to. Do not succumb to the lies. May we all grow in grace this Lent.


So then, brothers and sisters, we are debtors, not to the flesh, to live according to the flesh— for if you live according to the flesh, you will die; but if by the Spirit you put to death the deeds of the body, you will live. For all who are led by the Spirit of God are children of God. For you did not receive a spirit of slavery to fall back into fear, but you have received a spirit of adoption. When we cry, ‘Abba! Father!’ it is that very Spirit bearing witness with our spirit that we are children of God, and if children, then heirs, heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ—if, in fact, we suffer with him so that we may also be glorified with him. (Romans 8:11-17)
Almighty God, whose blessed Son was led by the Spirit to be tempted by Satan: Come quickly to help us who are assaulted by many temptations; and, as you know the weaknesses of each of us, let each one find you mighty to save; through Jesus Christ your Son our Lord, who lives and reigns with you and the Holy Spirit, one God, now and for ever. Amen.
--the BB

5 comments:

Kirstin said...

Your refutation of toxic shame is spot on (and God knows I got a lot of it; a three-year-old's shoulders are not as strong as a frustrated adult's). But I don't have any idea what "healthy" shame is.

June Butler said...

Lovely post, Paul. Much wisdom here.

"I am the Beloved of God" is my mantra when I find myself mired in the toxic version of shame.

Paul said...

Healthy shame was a difficult concept for me and Bradshaw is much less clear talking about it (very frustratingly vague, in fact) but it is related to having good boundaries. It is that which keeps us from behaving in ways that transgress and destroy (I think in this is is related to "conscience"). When we have healthy shame we can behave appropriately (and not behave inappropriately). At least that's what I think I have gotten out of it. OCICBW.

Kirstin said...

Hmm. I can relate to behaving appropriately because I don't want to deal with myself if I don't. I don't take that as far as "shame," though. It's just awareness of who I want to be.

But then, I finally had to be teased out of my guilt over something because two weeks went by and I couldn't let it go. (What did it? The friend I thought I'd offended, finally told me I'd make a good Anglo-Catholic, LOL.)

Our identity and our worth lie in God's creation of us: good creations, in the image and likeness of God, children by grace and adoption, beloved. This is truer of us than all our flaws and failures. This is the deep truth, the great truth, the lifegiving truth. We need to believe it, trust it, live out of it.

Love, love, love this.

June Butler said...

Healthy shame, to me, is the shame I experience when I've done wrong, and I know I've done wrong. I should experience shame in that situation. But that's not the place to linger. Lingering leads to toxic shame. I must move on from there.